Fuckyeah! I just found the coolest blogshop EVER.

Grace we're totally buying shit from there. Zomg excited like never before!

It's in Sg dollars and it's awesome and the best part? I can buy shit and my mum wouldn't know what I bought!

She'll probably think that whatever I want is too revealing- and it is but that's not the point I love it! Shitballs time to lose the stomach fats and gain abs like the boy so that I can wear the dress the mesh fucking shows off the entire side of the torso OH MY GOD plus the schoolbag plus chainbag ohhhhhhh my.

My one & only brother whom I happen to love a lot.

I just read Grace/Thalia's blog and I kind of feel like crying. Haha guys we're so mushy and gross but omg I swear I love y'all!

My life is at it's peak now and I swear I'd give anything for it to stay this way. Even when things go wrong it's still right because I've a constant in my life.

& guess what, after so many years of trying to myself, I finally found myself a fucking place that I belong. I can't emphasize how much on me feeling out of place almost all my life and for once, I feel like I actually belong somewhere, here with you guys.

I mean, I've lots of close friends and people that I constantly hang out with but I don't feel at ease with every single one of them. But with you guys, it's every single one of you, and that's just awesome.

On top of that, the boyfriend's awesome cuz even though we TL from time to time we know deep down that ultimately this is going to work out. Everyday I feel excited to know what the future has in store for us but I take it slow because I know we've a long way to go. This finally feels right. It's stable and comforting and everything just falls into place with you. Doesn't matter what others think anymore because this is just between you and me and we both know ourselves better than anyone else. & I know that we'll get through anything because we've super friends to turn to, who're very good at giving advise and getting us to listen to each other, haha!

Plus, there's the family. We're currently working on our surprise for my bro's 21st birthday and I cannot wait for evening! Spent a bomb on this, hope he likes it! My room is spotless and absolutely clutter free, the house is to be filled with balloons and banners and there's gna be around 60 people tonight! Shit balls, it's hell of a crowd and I'm really excited!

Gotta collect the cake later, and hopefully at the same time buy some makeup from Sephora cuz I didn't get to previously.

I'm such a lousy sister cuz I haven't gotten anything for him yet. He wants Tiger shoes but I'm not as rich as he is! I'm feeling a little guilty looking at my iPod now but okay, I'll promise to get something done by tomorrow (since he officially turns 21 tomorrow!)

(Will update about how tonight goes!)

& tomorrow we're visiting Gracie and I cannot wait to make friends with her sisters! Lol, life is so awesome it's unbelievable.

It's been so long since I last lazed at home and listen to music. It's slowly gaining so much importance in my life. Like, I might die without music. I can just spend my entire day lying on my bed, listening. That's enough to make me happy with life.

Fuck, I forgot the cake again. Damn I need to start getting my priorities right before I screw up something that means a lot to so many people!

Anyway, tonight is drama night. So drama that I'm not done with my tutorial after an entire day of doing nothing.

Bitch went to town with me today, while everyone was in school haha thank you! Very much appreciated.

I realise it's the 1st day of me being 17 and wow, this is a lot to digest.

-

But I guess there's nothing much I can do about everything that's happening now? I mean, if we're gna quarrel the way we do, then I'll just have to learn to live with it since I really want this to last.

& if I broke your heart, I guess it's only right that it ends right here. I need to stop feeling upset about it before it screws things up further. Moving on now, hope you will too.

& I kinda stuck between justifying my actions and just letting it go. Because I guess explaining or not won't get me/us anywhere? I don't know, I guess things are just too complicated to be comprehended sometimes?

But life's like that. We make mistakes and we learn, and I'll just have to learn to not make the same mistake ever again? I can't quite reverse time to undo the things I've done/felt because if I did, I wouldn't be where I am today.

I guess if we never had that period of time where we drifted, we wouldn't have talked things out and I probably would never understand why you did what you did.

I'm just glad, and so thankful that the few of us are really close now. I guess we're past the random hatred, the unhappiness, the bullying and tl-ing, and actually cherising the moments that we've left in this shitty green school that's actually quite awesome in its own way.

I would like to simplify the world for a little bit. Sometimes things aren't what you think it appears to be. Within a few months so many things can change. For example,

1) We might appear to be completely o-k but that's what we appear to be. You just don't see the days/nights I spend crying over what we're turning out to be, over what he has become. So when I finally, FINALLY move on with life, you think that I'm moving on too quickly and being too unfair. But hey, a gentle reminder: you weren't there to see the other parts of the story. Don't be too quick to judge. Don't listen to just 1 side of the story.

2) It was there all along but we both didn't see it. We went through so much shit together, became friends, proper friends. I guess we needed that? We needed the happy days and more importantly, the angry with each other days, cannot stand you days, wish I wasn't here with you days, the hardcore TL each other until wna die days before we learn how to co-exist. It made us more tolerant and understanding of each other and that was really important.

Bottomline: We should learn to not judge people. As hard as it might be.

Anyway, I got really angry tonight only because I hate how we couldn't solve things. Plus all the other random things that took place simultaneously. But I guess things are better now?

BBF thanks for always being there.

It's nearing 11, I'd better leave the house soon to make it back in time to cook lunch.

Today is time out day but I haven't quite made full use of the morning. Oh well, whatever.


Anyway, I think I just broke a heart...

Today's my birthday and this year is the best ever, and I mean it.

I know I'm supposed to be happy over the moon overjoyed but I can't help but feel so underserving haha sorry for being such a whiner and pain in the ass just need to rant (about myself) for abit.

Today ZhiWei + the 3 Js, my PW mates, and random people from around the school wished me happy birthday and I would like them to know that that meant a lot. & that made me feel really underserving because I know I haven't been the nicest girl around.

I <3 my PW mates and classmates cuz they randomly make my day and on the whole, make TJ a much better experience for me. I don't know but I guess I just didn't expect them to remember/realise it's my birthday, let alone get something done for me. & the random people that I see around school, I don't even know some of their names so it was very nice to know that people actually do care!

Sigh, times like this I reflect on myself and promise that this year, one year older and seventeen, a step away from being legal, I will become a better person.

Not forgetting all the people that bothered to remember my birthday... some of them really surprising cuz I didn't know they know, or that they care. Now for all the times where I ignored someone's birthday, I'm sorry.

Take all my hatred away for birthdays back now, I love it. Thanks friends+family, my life is so good it's unbelievable.

Today was freaking awesome on the whole. Awesome friends made me cute cakes and thank you so much guys, it's damn freaking sweet of you guys seriously. Heart melt ttm although sadly I wasn't there to have fun but it's ok! I slept from 6pm-4am!

J thanks a lot for everything that you've done I feel bad cuz you're not feeling well yesterday+today but you did so much for me. & not forgetting that you came up with the idea and all...

Candies+Thalia sorry about your math test (J too). I'll make it up to you guys by giving free math tuition okay! Esp on the chapter of integration HAHA! (I'm gna fail math btw, promos I mean)

Gracie thanks for providing your house and wanting to call me. Heehee so cute.

Okay I've got a long thank you list coming up, do bear with me.
(I'll reply all the facebook/phone messages by tonight I will!)

Thank you Bestf, for your wonderful message it's really sweet and thoughtful and yes, what's 10 years compared to what we're gna go through for the rest of our lives! Love you so much, can't wait to see you cuz I've got so much to say!

Thank you Boyf, for everything. I can't thank you enough really, for making my birthday such a memorable one. You're the sweetest guy I've ever met and the present you gave was just... so elaborate and planned it's... I just wonder what I did to deserve someone like you. I cried because I felt so underserving of everything that you do for me but really, thank you for making my life such an awesome one I'm completely overwhelmed by what took place. I've never felt so important before. You're the best, seriously.

Thank you Grace/Thalia/Candies, for always being there for me in school. For taking away all my troubles/worries life is so carefree in school thanks to y'all cause we always find fun out of the shit that we get in. Thank you for making TJ such an awesome place to go to. You guys are SO important to me. (Thx Candies for stepping out of your house to get the letter set, and Gracie for the letter, and Thalia for being the main person making the cake!)

Thank you Ahmad, Caroline, Caleb, Grace, Karon, Jedi, Ryan Boey, Chewy, Norman, Kiat, W, JJ, Wp, Yingjie, Sean, Qiming for their smses! Which I managed to reply!

Not forgetting all the people who wished me in school and sang the song for me eg, Titans, people who happen to be at the sports com, Grace for not making a big fuss out of the bday song! :D

(And family for the birthday cake which I'm gna cut now...)

-

Okay this is too much I can't handle it. I'm trying to show my appreciation to everyone but I'm not good at this, I just sound very much like I'm thanking for the sake of doing so but no it's not! Every single birthday wish means a lot to me because well, at least you bothered, unlike me who can't even bring myself to type out Happy Birthday and send it out?

I'm so thankful for everything, once again. I've everything and they all fall into place and I'm so scared that I'm gna fuck this all up soon because I can't handle it. I know I should stop being pessimistic and I'm not, I'm just afraid to lose it all because my life is near perfect right now.

Seriously, what more can I ask for?

All the gifts I receive from people just shows me how much they know me or reflects the effort they've put into it. Like eg, the Zhiwei+3J's hairband and Xw's hairband! I officially love hairbands with ribbons now.

And almost everything I receive is heartfelt/handmade and that's perfect.

Not forgetting the boy who COMPLETELY made my day. Can't stress this enough but seriously, whatever you gave me says so much about how much you care for me. I'm so glad that all my friends/family love you. I don't know why they do but they do and that's all that matters to me.

I love the world. Thanks everyone.

Haha okay, I'm happy generally, just bored and need to release some pent up angst.

Number #1
I think our family needs to decide on a a method to make decisions. We always have 4 conflicting points of views and we end up not solving anything.

Like how a few years back, we wanted to shift out of our current house (you can see that we didn't come to a conclusion on that topic). I wanted to stay, my mum wanted Bukit Timah, my brother wanted Landed, my dad want Condo. So... I get my way and we stayed, after months of sourcing for a new house!

Then this year, we wanted to change our car. The car supposedly comes in September but halfway through they decided that they didn't want it anymore because my bro wants to keep the current car, my mother wants a 4-wheel drive car, my dad wants a normal sedan car. & I chose not to have a say because it'll never end if I do. I just want a normal 4 door car. Guess we won't be changing our car anytime soon.

Dec holidays. My mum wants Japan/Korea (AGAIN!) and I can't take it anymore I'm not going because ughhhh I don't know. It's kinda like, can we go somewhere else please We can't go Maldives because of the weather (how many years already omg, every year like that). & bro wants to go on a ski trip. But he has army so we can't leave the country for too long. So we're supposed to go ski in Japan/Korea but... I really don't want to zzz since we're just skiing can't we go somewhere further! Mum refuses to give in and I don't wna give in either so here we go... Skiing is fun (only because we can do it haha otherwise I'll hate it) but visiting the same country for the _th time is boring.

Number #2
WHAT IS UP WITH GUYS WHO KEEP TRYING TO APOLOGISE AND GET ME TO TALK FUCK WHY DO I GET ALL THE WEIRDOS OF THE WORLD OMFG LEAVE ME ALONE. MY BIRTHDAY IS NOT ANOTHER EXCUSE TO APOLOGISE AND ASK IF WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS I HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU AND YOU IN YEARS LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE WOULD YOU.

I can't believe there's more than 1 of you. Why don't you 2 find someone else omgggggggg swear to god this is damn irritating.

AND IT'S NOT LIKE AS IF I REPLY YOU RIGHT. IGNORING FOR A PERIOD OF TIME (COUNT IN YEARS) MEANS IT'S TIME YOU GOTTEN THE HINT.

Zomg angry. How.Many.Years.Do.You.Want.To.Subject.Me.To.Your.Lame.Shit.Messages/Comments/Emails.Why.Can't.You.Just.STFU.And.Leave.Me.Alone.

LeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealone
LeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealone
LeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealone
LeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealone
LeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealone
LeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealoneLeavemealone
LeavemealoneLeavemealone

(if I chant this in your face like the way you call and sms maybe you'll get how annoying you are.)

Haha eh but if next time I get murdered by some psychopath, friends you know who are the likely suspects. Save me okay.

Okay need to go to school soon today is a happy day I still love my family though I hope we solve this soon cuz it is irritating!

& Number#2 is only a few weird/annoying boys in this world not all are like that yay thank God I love you kid!

this is for you. I love you!
& yes you're very important to me!

Shit balls the show was awesome, I want to watch it again! Today was a great day spent with my favourite friends!

Woke up to fattening Macs breakfast in my face, thank you boy
After like, ten more hours of rolling around because I couldn't wake up, I got my fat and skin-less ass out of the bed and house! Cabbed to town because the weather was too hot, and had 2 pretzels! I miss pretzels, so I have to have 2 of them.

Shaw House with Dua Liaps v1 and v2, bitched about a particular C and I declared war. HAHA! It's very amusing actually I hope we have more of this! Anyway, I think I was okay-ly productive today! I'm finally starting to study and I hope this momentum stays with me. It's good it's good, studying is good!
 
(I'm about to continue where I left off from today!)

Not to mention I'm really growing fat. I haven't been training much and I can feel it! (Like how HP feels like he's putting on weight cuz he hasn't been training, now I understand) But it's ok, I'm going to train tomorrow. Haha I can't believe this but I'm going to gym for real now. I need to become damn sam because everytime we do bicep curls I'll have the tendency to almost (and once I did) drop the log because my arms are too weak.

I honestly think that I'm the weakest in the team at this event! & that sucks, better train.

I ate a hell lot today. Shall not list them out because it's too upsetting.

THALIA THE DUALIAP left us to go home, I'm very angry and upset with her but oh well, family comes first I guess?

Had dinner, trashy Sg Idol, 17 Again at my house and I love it! I love the company. I love all of you for being in my life I swear, I cannot imagine life w/o you guys.
To the Candies in Maldives watching clownfishes, I hate you, but I'll love you when you come back!

We had history lecture today.

It was surprisingly useful.. apart from the copying essay part.

We had titans training today.

It was fun! Though tough. I need to work on my bicep curls ): I always die when we're doing that.

I think for the sit-ups, it's not really about how many we can do. It's whether you can withstand the pain. Even with the towel cushioning my ass, I officially have no more ass crack skin. It hurts like f- when we showered after training I whined in the toilet.

I swear my palms are becoming rough. Titans training is un-gaying me. Louise might be the most bimbo of us all, but I think I might be the gayest shit ever. Like, I don't want to get dirty...

Oh well, WR with the peedub mates tomorrow. & official mugging for Promos starts!

P.S. I cannot believe Candies flew 1st class to Maldives... with a mere phone call. Someone get me a cool dad like hers! Have fun can-slut, I'll miss you! Can't wait to see you on Saturday hope you enjoy Maldives for me! (Because somehow I'm not fated to go there. Sigh.)

P.P.S I really wish we'll get to go Rawa at the end of the year!

Swear my butt hurts like shit. Training ftw!